Showing posts with label ME ME ME. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ME ME ME. Show all posts

May 6, 2008

The world around me

The last time I was this exited was when I got my Ipod Touch. So it would be anyone's guess who called me today... ;-)

May 3, 2008

All that twitters is not gold

I think the best feeling anyone can expect is knowing somewhere someone is thinking of you. The sense of belonging to someone can be euphoric, I guess.


I was always under the apprehension that I was a loner and probably one of the few people who could survive being an island. I was happy being on my own, making my own decisions and not worry if my snoring would bother anyone. It was fun being cold and alone like the cold Artic or the lonely Australia, minding my own business.

My feelings did not falter until I met her. Funny how we met as well. Of the weirdest of all places - a topic which I am sure would make a nice story over a cuppa.

There were times, ofcourse that I would wish I never did. We would at times argue about the most silliest of things and frown like little kids. But then before the sun came up again the next day, we would realise our follies and just talk again as if nothing ever happend. I finally realised that even Australia needs the company of New Zealand. There was summer in the Artics, finally.

It was a sad moment - there is no doubt about it - when we parted company. The global warming hit the news. The polar caps finally were starting to melt. Despite what everyone thought or said (there were a few characters on the way), it was one of the most beautiful moments in our lives and the thought itself is enough to last a lifetime.

Which brings me back to the title of this post. I know there must be some use for it, but I just fail to see the phenomenon behind Twitter. What purpose would it serve to have people stalking your every thought (expressed within 140 characters or less)? What the bejeegees would it serve to wonder what a perfect stranger is doing right now? Are we so lonely and desperate for fame that we need stalkers in our life now?

The only compelling argument I can see in favour of all the twitters is from the jealous and no-trusting boyfriend / girlfriend. They probably would want to know what his / her better half is doing right now every now and then. I can just see it going:

Girlfriend going to her girlfriend:

"My darling is making tea. No, wait! There is a twitter update. He's just tore up a packet of biscuit to eat with his tea."

But still she would phone the boyfriend up and say, "Darling, hi its me! I just saw your twitter update. What kind of biscuit are you having?"

P.S. By the way I do not mind stalkers and you can stalk me on Twitter at dreamzunlimited (Link).

March 17, 2008

My resignation as an adult

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of a 5 year old again.

* I want to go to McDonald's and think that it is a four star restaurant.
* I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples in a pond with rocks.
* I want to think M&M's are better than money because you can eat them.
* I want to lie under a big oak tree and watch the ants march up its trunk.
* I want to run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day.
* I want to go fishing and care more about catching the minnows along the shore than the big bass in the lake.
* I want to think the world is fair.
* I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all I knew about were colours, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes. When I didn't know what I know now. When all I knew was to be happy because I was blissfully unaware of all the things that should make me worried.
* I want to think that a penny is worth more than a five pound note because it is prettier and weighs more.
* I want to think that everyone is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible.
* I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things in life again.
* I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, dreams, the imagination, the Tooth Fairy, a kiss that makes a boo-boo go away, making angels in the snow, and that my dad and G-d are the strongest people in the world.

So......here's my checkbook and my car keys, my credit cards and the bills, my P60's and SA100 statements, my stocks and bonds, my collections, my insurance premiums, my job, my house and the payments, my e-mail address, pager, cell phone, computer, and watch. I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this with me further, you'll have to catch me cause........

tag! You're it!

Sources: 1 |

February 22, 2008

Recollections


  1. I am of the nature to grow old; I cannot avoid ageing.
  2. I am of the nature to become ill; I cannot avoid illness.
  3. I am of the nature to die; I cannot avoid death.
  4. All that is mine, dear and delightful, will change and vanish.
  5. I am the owner of my karma; I am born of my karma; I live supported by my karma; I will inherit my karma; whatever I do, whether good or evil, that I will inherit.

Sources: 1 |

February 20, 2008

Tahiyat lakum, baladi al-habibi

Tahiyat lakum, baladi al-habibi. Greetings to you, my beloved.

And the rest of ya all mere beings in this universe enjoying my misery.


I have finally landed in the jungle of buildings - a completely different world when I last left it 14 years ago! Mind you people change and this is the city of change - so who am I to grumble for missing the desolated desert that I had left behind?

I am always amazed by the fact that just when I think what could be worse than this, life would somehow manage to throw a curve ball and take me to strike three - and suddenly you're out sitting on the bench with that glum look on your face!

One of my primary reasons to leave the freezing warmth of UK was to dump the burden of some, correction - all of the memories of you that have been engraved in my grey matter. Apparently these haunting enagrams do not seem to care that I have journeyed across oceans sitting in chairs and eating food meant for small people. I just learnt that "dwarf" is no longer politically correct to say.

The moment I landed at the hotel, flashbacks worse than what Matt Damon had in the Borne Trilogy began bombarding me. As the sexy and smiling Philipino opened the door for me I was instanly taken back years ago while visiting you. The reception where you waited, the room where we met, the bed where we snuggled, the shower under which we kissed, and even the cute pink apples on the corner table - all reminded me of you. I so wanted to jump off the 24th floor where they put me - good job there were no open windows, I guess!

I am trapped in this weird historical dream from which I cannot wakeup. And just looking you in that picture with him made me realise that I am going to be stuck in this nightmare for a long long time...

January 28, 2008

The Waiting Room


Lonliness and the sheer boredom of sitting in the hospital waiting room can put strange thoughts in your head. You can only so much flip into the decade old magazines on the coffee table before committing each and every page to memory. One only need to look out the room to see his or her miserable future walking with bottles of liquids whose names you cannot pronounce, tubes danglining down your bottoms wearing a bio-degradable gown slit from behind. And don't even let me get to the black hairy asses on display for others. There were few white asses too... but that is not what I wanted to write about. At least now.

Such is the human cycle of life that you start with the hospital room (atleast the decent few of us) and you end up in the hospital room. So, I guess the crux of your whole existence is to make the most of it in between hospitals... you either eat, sleep and be merry or you eat, sleep and don't be merry.

Its been over 48 hours now, and still no good news (actually no news at all) about the condition of the old man from the ICU. I was not there when my father passed away, a little regret I've been carrying for a long time now. May be it is because of this that I have been sitting in the waiting room staring at the ceiling straight without food and shower. Actually thinking of food only made me sick, so it was no big deal I guess. And it is actually when you stare at the ceiling for so long, that delusions begin to set in. You drift into the concious sleep of dreams and nightmares. Of hope and fear.

What if there is heaven and hell? Angels and Demons? God? I always believed in God. But then you wonder was it because I was taught to do so or because I really, really, REALLY believed in him. Is all the wars over religion fought because men believed in the Almighty? Is the so called terrorism in the name of religion really for a castle in paradise or for some twisted little political agenda? What do I believe?

Love. Hate. Hope. Happiness. Sad. Jealousy. Fear. Guilt. Remorse. What are these but mere words or feelings that will describe your existence over the few decades. What is the purpose of existence when there is always an end to it? Where is the strength to be immortal coming from? What is the purpose of this existence, if this is what you call it?

Why this, why that... the questions whirls in your mind so fast and confuses you so much that you think, "Am I going mad? Do I need to be in the loony bin?"

Exhausted, mentally and physically from sitting on those back-aching chairs - considering the ordeal one has to go through, NHS should really consider investing in some decent chairs for the waiting families - I am sipping my first sip of machine coffee in 2 days...

So till the old man recovers from his strain... its back to those magazines and my thoughts...

January 26, 2008

Heartaches


I always wondered what was down the whirlpool. How can events so small create forces so strong that it can suck even the most mighty in its belly? What lies beneath the blue ocean? Is there any peace there? For I am a tormented soul restless in search of tranquility.

Days seem a drag nowdays. Nights are sleepless nightmares. Each new face that I come across is a mirror of my deeds. Their eyes filled with hatred for me. Their hearts empty with love for me. Never have I felt so alone in a crowd filled with family and friends. Never have I sat alone in the hospital waiting room anxious for someone to come and tell me its all over.

I was a born loner as far as I can remember. I was never the soul of the party nor the subject of any hot gossips. I preferred to live my life as the average kid round the block. Me to my own. But suddenly I am thrown into the ring with lime light on my face. I am made to sit on the throne meant for someone else. The dish served on the platter. The face that each finger points. I am the guy who is the cause for everyone to be present here at two in the morning with eyes waiting for the doctor to come out of the ICU any moment.

When the caterpillar finally emerges into a butterfly it is the most amazing and breath taking moment. It is the beauty in which nature juggles the delicate balance of life that attracts me. The turmoil of the catterpillar is finally over. It is finally free to fly away where its heart desires. As I sit here alone in the waiting room, all I can think is when will all this be over and finally get to fly away where my heart desires.

The room is empty and cold like everyones faces. It is as if I do not exist. I am the social outcast. They do not say it, but you can see it on their faces and trembling lips. Everyone blames me for the old man's heart attack. And sadly, it is the truth.

I never ever cared what people thought of me. To each his own. Bugger off for all I cared. But little did I know that family and society matters. My game has turned into a monopoly where no matter what dices I roll, I end up in jail without passing Go. While I sit here with my head dropped in shame and my eyes filled with tears of remorse, the old man is possibly fighting to take a breath. The old man is my uncle and quite possibly the only ally I have in this current crisis.

If only the clock could be turned back - for with each tick the urge to stab myself to death grows stronger. I do not know what lies ahead of me now. What am I going to do? For all I can do is wait for the doctor to come out of the ICU...

January 23, 2008

Choices...


I can wait for her phone call or I can get my work done…

I can sit and drool over her memories or I can take that long overdue shower…

I can ogle all day over her photos on Orkut or get out for some fresh air...

I can gorge on all the junk food lying around depressed or I can go to gym and get those calories off…

I can wish that we would be together again or I can just face the reality of it never happening and get on with my life…

Choices, choices, choices...



Mean while in the parallel universe…

Do I curl my hair or straighten them?

Do I go to Starbucks or that new place which serves the Chocolate ice cream?

Do I wear the green sari or go for the western look?

Do I take the car or ask the driver to drop me?

Choices, choices, choices...

January 21, 2008

Friends Indeed


Times have been hard and trying for me lately, because of the ripple effect that my breakup has caused. However, I thought I would have my friends to rely on... after all the true testing time for friendship comes when your buddy is down in drain...

Apparently, my friends seem to have forgotten the sacred rules of friendship.

Mind you after my recent experience I should have realised that people change in seconds once you have nothing to offer them. Can't blame them. For someone who would feel like fish without water if I did not call... suddenly got no time! I guess those tanks were finally built where fishes can live out of water... So *uck (with the Capital F) you too!

Then there are those miserable sods who for the sake of not being rude gives you an occasional miss call or drop in from their busy schedules to say the pleasantries... assholes I do not want you or your pity calls! So stop bugging me!

Like I said... friends in need are friends indeed!

Bullocks! - Who needs friends anyway?

Sigh!

January 19, 2008

Chaos Theory

Life is a crazy thing to be in. Each moment is like being on a roller coaster - going high filled with love and excitement and then come crashing down to misery and depression.

Guess what?

Sleep deprived, depression filled I am really sucking at life at this moment.

January 15, 2008

Ai Zindagi, bewafaa tu nikli

Aaj kisi ne muh pe zor se maara tamacha
Kar ke apna status change
Dard dena hi tha
To kyun di aasha?
Jaan leni hi thi
To zindagi kyun thi bachaai?
Tha mein khush tere bina…
Zindagi mein aake kyun pareshaani badaai?
Jaa to jee apni zindagi
Swear palat ke bhi yaad na karunga tuje!
Yaad aayegi to kahunga dil se
Jisse ki tune wafaa,
Aaaj woh hi bewafaa ho gai!

Meri Ajeeb hai khaani

Meri ajeeb hai kahaani
Muje khud ko aaye na samaj…
Jisko chaahta tha mein
Ho gai kisi aur ki aaj!


Kal tak the uske wade pakke
Aaaj ek pal mein toot gaye
Yahaan meri jaan jaaye
Wahaan kisi aur ko who anguthi pehnaaye


Meri ajeeb hai daastaan
Kisko jaake mei sunaau?
Jisko chaahta tha mein
Ho gai kisi aur ki aaj!


Kal tak thi lammbi lambi kahaaniyaan
Phone pe ganto khaati thi meri jaan
Aaaj mere tadapne per bhi
Phone se nahi aai koi aawaaj!


Meri ajeeb hai kahaani
Muje khud ko aaye na samaj…
Jisko chaahta tha mein
Ho gai kisi aur ki aaj!

Every dog has its day

Once suicide was out of the question, junk food was the only shoulder that I could lean on in this most testing and depressing moment of my life.

But after days (I lost count ages ago) of self pity and brooding in my own saliva, the Dominoes finally gave up into a state of stale, shrivelled up fungi infected bread which even the rats now refuse to relish. The famous chocolate Ben & Jerry’s now adorn the once green carpet into waves of brown glory goo as painted by the child Picasso himself. Like the Alps, my furniture lay covered in layers of crisps and chocolate bar wrappers. In the middle of this grand remodelled sty I was stupedified like a radish on a wedding cake staring at the spider on the ceiling. I am hazy on the details or the rules, but I am sure the game was to stare each other to death. I was winning until spidey decided to cheat and run after the fly that got caught in its web. Traitor.

Bored, depressed, lonely (the underlying words defining my life) I ended up driving miles in the middle of nowhere. 100 miles per hour, music blaring, finger on her speed dial - I debated with my flawed logic to call her. Next thing I know bright lights flashing on my eyes and the car started dancing the jig and airbags blew into my face. These things hit you so hard you wonder at times whether it was meant to save you or take your life away.

Sadly still alive, but now stranded, (bored, depressed and lonely too) I walked into the darkness until I stood staring at this old English pub.

Since I don’t booze, smoke or sniff (all of which now sounds enticing) I was fish out of water when the bar-tender leaned forward and pushed his lean mean moustachy face onto me asking what I’d like.

“I’d like to forget everything”, I grunted.

He laughed. My neighbours raised their glasses and yelled, “Cheers!”

Misery loves company and I was in the right place. I sat there taking shots of concentrated tomato juice in these cute tequila glasses surrounded by stories miseries, yelling and cursing. I was finally among friends.

When Barney (or at least he looked like him) gave me a lift home in the wee hours of the morning told me what brings me back to the title of this post, “You see, Saj don’t you worry, every dog has its day!”

I looked at him with the “it doesn’t make sense” face, when he narrates this story:

A man walks into a bar and sits down next to a lady and a dog. The man asks, "Does your dog bite?" The lady answers, "Never!" The man reaches out to pet the dog and the dog bites him. The man says, "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" The woman replies, "He doesn't. This isn't my dog.

“You see, Saj think about it, every dog has its day!”

I am still in the state of depression “stayed” over so don’t ask me the philosophical significance of his statement. Let me know what you make of it, while I call the AA to get my car towed and get back to my depression in peace with a ice pack on my bruised face.

Great! Adding to my woes, the weekend is over too.

God I hate Mondays!

January 13, 2008

P.S. I Love You

My dearest darling,

How I wish I could be there sitting right beside you just now. How I wish you’d blow in my ears as you used to and how I wish I could tickle you all up right now. How I wish I could hear your voice right now.

May be wishes are all I have left now. May be this is what I deserve.

I do not if you will ever get the chance to read this, but I really do miss you. I did not understand what missing someone meant until right this very moment in time. I knew this day would eventually come where you would bid me farewell. I tried to prepare myself all this time - to be heartless so that I may never experience the pain. But I just can’t help but feel this pain. Missing you is taking my breath away, and you know what happens to someone who stops breathing...

Each passing moment brings back memories that we shared. Your laughter echoes in the silence. Your face floats in the air. Your smell fragrances the room. Each moment I am missing you more than the previous.

I would have begged on my knees to you to come back but I know no amount of pleading is going to change what has happened between us.

I am glad that I got the chance to know a sweet and dear person like you. I am just grateful for all the happy times we shared together. I promise you that I shall treasure those precious moments for as long this life takes me.

I just wish you the very best in life and all the happiness that life can offer you.

With love,

Only yours...

P.S. I love you and will continue to do.



TECHNORATI KEYWORDS: , , ,

January 12, 2008

O Romeo, where art thou?


When Romeo first laid eyes upon Juliet, their death was imminent. Bard knew it. You and I knew it. Everyone just knew it.

They had to die to be immortal in the hearts of every archetypal of young lovers all over the world. Just who talks of Cinderella or Snow White whenever a great love story has to be told? Ahem! No one does, except maybe only Disney.

Yup, the old fashioned suicide was the only option Romeo & Juliet had – even though they did it not knowing the complete truth – their heart was in the right place. So I guess, it counts.

Then there is always the option to back away out of the picture to let the other live in the perception of happiness. The Indian way.

But this too is totally unacceptable for the success of the immortal story for three reasons:

  1. Less dramatic if no one dies. And there is always the remote possibility that they just might meet again some rainy day (and you know rainy days in India are – wet saris and all) – they just start up a grand affair! And that is always bad...
  2. If one of them decide and did choose to end one’s life (and therefore remove all traces of future adultery) - the guy will eventually kill himself by liver failure due to too much drinking on the girl’s in-laws porch after a 10 minute sad song (...bad again for future happiness and reputation of the girl's character at the in-laws). And in the case of the girl – she would jump off the bridge into the Ganges – which sadly is so polluted now that you might as well die from its pungent smell (apparently cyanide is for the villains only).
  3. And let’s say if the Mission ‘S’ was a success, Indian mythology of afterlife would have me believe that one of them might end up alive again as a centipede or something. Ugh! Not to mention a sad ending to a very sad story.
But, sadly, I can’t help being an Indian even though I only visited the country on my summer holidays. Never the less, I do not believe in the concept of taking one’s life either. It is only meant for losers and suckers of foolhardy propaganda. Unless of course the Mafia or the CIA (Call It Anything – they’re still crooks as far as I can tell) is on my back – this way I get to chose the most efficient and merciful way out (even though it may be rudimentary). And thankfully since they have no reason to be on my back - sucide is not an option for me.

So, where does that leave me? Hmm.

While I loathe here depressed with my miserable story on the sofa watching reruns of all the romantic tragedies and gorging on “that’s gonna add another 20 kgs” I have a faint hope shimmering somewhere.

Who knows, I just might end up having that affair after all!