My dil goes mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... (part drei)

My dearest No-longer Girlfriend,

It's 03:01 am out here and while you must in sweet slumber dreaming of your happy future with your new partner I must have read and re-read all the emails that we have exchanged over the past two years.. some nice, long and romantic and some pretty much boring one-liners!

But as I looked back upon those moments and ponder on each word that you had written, on each alphabet - I remember the moments when you and I shared in a spirit of love. The bond of affection far beyond the realms of definitions which was there - alas no longer exists. I stare at all your pictures that slide before me and listen to all the tracks that you have dedicated to me... but all that remains is me all alone. Call it what you may, but this is the irony of life.

Today incidently also happens to be the third anniversary of the My dil goes mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... series of letters, and though you are no longer by my side.. you will always remain in my heart. Bloody hell, you 5'1" girl... somehow you climbed and stole my heart away.... and I'll always Love you for that!

I recall the moments spent with you all the while trying to make sense of what happened and what I could have done to have prevented this day where I am all so lonely and helpless....

I guess you have finally succeeded in weakening the cold heart of mine, making a fool of me and destroying my reasons. You have in one big swoop turned turned my world all topsy-turvy.

Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible fate that a man can ever face. I was incomplete , miserable and a sorry ass without you. And sadly I am not better today. Such is the circle of life, I guess.

But sad story aside, I am just so glad and feel so blessed that I could share even a few precious moments with you - probably the best time of my life! I know I still may not know how to show how much I love and care for you, but jaan trust me, you are my jaan! I just don't know how I will be able to live without you being in my life anymore. How will my mornings, my afternoons and my nights be without you - just one eclipse after the another...

Not one night passes when I may not have dreamed of us being in each others arms, enjoying those lollies that you so much love, walking hand in hand on long stretches of beaches with your laughter echoing in the air around..

How I dream every night of your smell, of your delicate touch and mischievous looks that you give and that heart stopping smile. It just breaks my heart, literally the smile in me just drowns away even by the thought of losing you. I just can't live without you now - you have become my medicine, my drug. You have become my addiction. And I just cannot break free of you.

My dil goes crazy, in a deep mesmerizing frenzy just thinking of you. I look for the syllables of your name in every word that I read, see your face in every window. I miss you very much with each passing breath.

Words are meaningless without you, jaan. I cannot write what I feel because I cannot find words that would describe those feelings that I am having for you. I cannot describe the unbearable pain that I am feeling right now, thinking that I am not able to kiss those pink soft lips of yours. I cannot describe the agony right now of not being able to knock on your window so that I could sneak you out of your house for a very late long drive.

We are all born for love...it is the principle existence and it's only end. You are my "a" and you shall be my "z", my only true love!

Jaan, I am trying to continue, but my fingers have given up. My eyes have given up. My heart has given up. How I wish to beg you to be with me. Leave everything and be with me. But I know... why do I have to know! Why can't i be selfish and ruthless and snatch away what is mine?

Jaan, I may be one arse of a person. But I promise ya one thing, wherever and whenever you are happy, I am happy as well! No matter when, how or why you ever need me - jaan, day or night (except when I am in the loo) - you give me howler and I'll be at your service.

"You may be out of my sight, but not out of my heart. "You may be out of my reach, but not out of my mind. "I am always Thinking of You."

Now get your sorry and bony arse up and get on with your new life!

mwaaah!

Only yours forever and ever, till death do us apart...