Dreamz Unlimited: December 2006

What was Ravi Chopra aka RC thinking making Baabul? Just what was I aka Me thinking going to watch Baabul in the first place?

O yes, it was the lure of Bhagbaan that took me to Baabul, despite my gut instinct telling me otherwise. I always respect my gut instincts, you see. Sadly, free movies with snacks too were involved – so let’s leave this trust issue out at the moment.

So back to the burning issue – just how did director RC manage to make a gargantuan mess out of a possible explosive drama? We could put a panel of old diabetic soggers to find out or I’ll could just bare it all out to save you weeks of suspense and agony.

I liked the titles. Seriously, bright red shaadi colours with Big B aka dad aka Amitab Bachchan singing a lullaby (written by him as well) in the background – seemed kind of nice. Sentimental fool I was.

The first half is filled with buddy-buddy bonding between Big B and Sallu Bhai aka Avinash aka Salman Khan reminding us of films as diverse as Vipul Shah’s “Waqt” and Karan Johar’s “KANK”, not to forget Yash Chopra’s “Kabhi Kabhie” in a much earlier decade and all the while in the background promoting Audi A6 and various other media partners of the movie.

Avinash meets our favourite Bengali queen aka Mili aka Rani Mukerji on golf course of all the places – where she just happened to be painting! Now that’s original! Of all the places in the world where a painter can find subjects to paint – Mili just happens to interested in the bunkers at the course!

Anyway after few cuppas at Taj (another media partner) – which is very surprising indeed considering Avanish is pretending to be jobless and penniless in front of Milli – and some loud dancing the jig around few trees – on and off the golf course – they finally marry!

Johhny Long Face aka JLF aka John Abraham came in with amazingly stupid and cocky dialogues during this time and if I weren’t a big fan of reining Rani, I must tell you Hemaji aka Avinash’s mom aka Hema Malini looked amazingly beautiful in the entire movie! No wonder I keep reading JLF was almost in love with her! Dharmaji – tussi mat maari gai thi kya? It’s high time you jumped off that water tower in Sholay!

Saarika was there too. And boy did she look ugly and miserable!

With marriage comes kid. And this was some kid! There was something about him that I cannot pinpoint at the moment, without being judgemental. So I’ll not burn my beak on him – he’s got his school mates for that! But Ravi Chopra, I must ask again what were you thinking? Have you ever heard of genes? Sallu and Rani and that kid! RC, you need therapy!

Finally relief arrives in the form of intermission along with with the best Sallu tumbled by a car I have seen in years! Even beats the SRK one in Karan Johar’s “Kabhi Alvidaa Na Kehna”.

The second half is tears and tears – RC trying his best to save a sinking Titanic that never was. You’ll need those extra Red Bulls to keep you awake in this half where Big B goes husband hunting for Mili.

After more tears and more clumsily choreographed songs we come to the climax where the whole world comes to stop Big B getting Mili to marry JLF. It’s been a while since I heard anyone in a mainstream Hindi film scream, “Ruko … yeh shaadi nahin ho sakti!” That’s what poor Om Puri, playing Big B’s super-conservative brother, is reduced to doing.

During my milk teeth days Raj Kapoor aka the guy who brought bare backs and boob views in mainstream Hindi films had cast Padmini Kolhapure in “Prem Rog” as a bindas girl whose life was transformed into a weeping widow. She was lucky to have finally married her beloved from the past amidst turmoil of societal pressure.

My guess is Ravi Chopra wanted to do the same, but failed miserably in the process.

So still wondering to watch it or not? Well if my opinion counts, unless you got those extra moolahs to burn which you can’t find it on your heart to give to the poor and the homeless, or for the love of your life you want to spend some disturbance-free jiggy jiggy time with your girlfriend – avoid this movie like a plague. Trust me, Audi A6 would not make me go to watch that movie again.

With apologies to all media partners.